klausaberwarita

𝙙𝙤𝙤𝙧.

they're fighting, 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. for the past few months, wooyoung thinks that's what they're so good at; coming onto each other's neck at any times, and any chances they find. it's tiring, to say. and wooyoung starts to think his life is so full of shits. but san's 𝘴𝘢𝘯, and the boy does not understand.

“i'm moving out.” wooyoung says out of tiredness.

“if you walk past that door, then we're done 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭.”

wooyoung sighs, and stares onto the floor. they placed the tiles themselves when they built this house years ago. and as the memory floods into his mind, he finds himself does not care. the burden that weighs his shoulders down, is beyond his limit and capability. he just want to sit there, and wallow in anger. thus, with the last thread of sanity he has, he takes a step closer and ignores the panicked gasp san breathes out.

“wooyoung?”

there's more than a mere name calling latches onto the confused noises san lets out. and strangely, wooyoung still manages to understand the hidden question beneath the words. the heavy why that san delivers without the need to put it out verbally. he bites his lower lip until it bleeds, and takes a deep breath. it hurts.

“yeah?”

wooyoung does not know how's san face at the moment, and yet he can imagine the sweat that rolls down his cheek when his voice comes up to the surface once more. “you're 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴.”

wooyoung remembers the first time they came up with the idea of living together to save their money, and gulps down his fear. “yeah.”

“how about me?”

that, pulls a strong anger out of wooyoung's heart. “and what about 𝘺𝘰𝘶?”

“how am i supposed to function well without you around?”

san's voice sounds so small, and wooyoung fights the urge to turn around and comfort the older boy. because that's the job of wooyoung from the past, not wooyoung from the present, nor the future. so, he steps onto his weak heart, as well as his wavering mind. it's easier to do it now.

“why do you think i decide to go?”

san says nothing. the boy walks closer and wooyoung lets him engulf his body into a tight back hug. he sniffles lightly as he feels his resolve crumbles bit by bit.

“i don't know,” san admits. and wooyoung hates to recognize the wounded tone in the older boy's voices. “but i would like to know so that i can learn how to fix it better.”

wooyoung exhales. “you don't understand, don't you?”

“no,” san pauses, and frowns. he grabs wooyoung's shoulders, and turns the boy around. probably so he can read his eyes better, even when wooyoung doubts he can do it. not when the boy's been ignoring his heart for years and still going on and on.

wooyoung forces himself to swim in his mind; recalling about their encounter, and the days the have spent side by side. he takes a dive into san's eyes, and wonders about what he's seeing at the moment. maybe about the chance he had missed, or about the clues san failed to catch. when he gets nothing, he finds himself shivering.

so, wooyoung decides to 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘸 𝘪𝘵, and throws his heart out of his mouth; laying his deepest secret bare and vulnerable for either san pick up, or stomp on later. he decides to put the ball onto san's hands. because if he held it himself, he's afraid he'll strom out the moment he's done with his ramble.

“i'm in love with you.” wooyoung inhales, and watches as surprise flickers across san's eyes, “for far longer than i can even remember.”

san blinks, and wooyoung continues. “it's painful when you can't hear it even when i have shouted it out loud for years.”

“stay.”

wooyoung halts his words, and squints because tears have filled his eyes to the brim, and he can't pinpoint what kind of emotions san has in his own. it's unreadable, and wooyoung hates it.

“san,” wooyoung sighs. “you don't understand. i can't stay knowing my best friend can't love me back. it hurts to see you hang around your flings while i could only watch from the side. hence, the ugly fight we had because i could no longer hold my jealousy at bay.”

but san's a stubborn boy, and he stands strong with his words. “stay, wooyoung. please?”

wooyoung laughs. all wet, and painful to hear. because 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦? “you're a cruel one, aren't you?”

“wooyoung,” san interrupts.

delirious with disbelief, wooyoung continues to laugh. because after tasting the pain of getting ridiculed at, might as well laugh it out until they both are satisfied. “i can't believe i'm in love with a 𝘫𝘦𝘳𝘬―”

it's small and has the chance to get left unheard, but san manages to jump in. “but this jerk loves you back just as much.”

“that's why, i should―” wooyoung hiccups, and stares. “what?”

“i love you.” san starts before wooyoung can stop him further. “have been for years, and still counting.”

“i thought i have made it clear and apparently, i failed.” san glances at their door. just few steps away; glaring at them in it's glory, and huffs out a stuttered chuckle. “and i don't know what should i do when you said you're gonna move out. i don't know what should i say if you walked past that door, wooyoung. because all my life, all i know is you, and all i can remember is us.”

standing there, face to face when the silence falls upon them, looks so hilarious when one does not ugly cry, and one does not sound like he's dying. so, tentatively, san reaches out to cup wooyoung's cheeks. he thumbs on the skin softly. holding them in his palms like a very fragile thing, and leans in to place a soft peck onto the boy's nose. “this okay?”

when he receives nothing but a very wet nod because 𝘨𝘰𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘥 wooyoung's still crying, san pulls the boy into his hug once more. immediately surround the poor baby in warmth and security.

“i hate you,” wooyoung manages to breathe out.

“i love you,” san whispers back, “and i'm sorry.”

wooyoung gives him muffled answer. “'kay.”

“please stay?”

wooyoung nods against his skin, again. because he does not know what to say, when the sudden revelation overwhelms his mind. he thinks they can have proper conversation later when they both are sober and have calmed down. because 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. so, he decides that slowly relaxing into san's embrace is the best option he can get at the moment. at least, now he knows where to stand in san's heart.

“do you know that you're so stupid?”

still sniffling into san's neck, wooyoung shakes his head petulantly; gaining laughter out of san's pretty lips. “no,” he mumbles. “you're the stupid one.”

“yeah,” san agrees, and tightens his hug. “i'm the stupid one here.”

𝙠𝙡𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙖, 3.12 pm.